Showing posts with label Holy Crap!. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holy Crap!. Show all posts

Saturday, May 25, 2013

REVIEW: Hannibal (NBC) "Trou Normand"

Damn it!  I got sucked into NBC's Hannibal again.  After the flesh angels and human cello, I did not want to watch any more episodes.  Don't get me wrong.  I love the actor who is playing Hannibal and I enjoy horror movies but the show is too gory for me.

If I do watch it, most of my time is spent wondering about the small details.

This week featured a totem pole composed (or decomposed) of dead bodies.  When the crime was recreated, there were shots of the killer/artist using twine to tie the bodies together.  The logistics of using twine makes sense on a one pound rump roast but is it sturdy enough to bind 30 dead human bodies to a pole? I highly doubt it.

"Nothing to see here, folks.  Move along.  
No, it is not a totem pole made from dead bodies."
There are elaborate corpse mutilations each week.  You would think that one of the culprits would get sick with some rare disease.  It does not seem sanitary to defile corpses (or, in one case, comatose people) and spend a great deal of time creating performance art out of them.  Something's gotta give.

On a show like House M.D., a patient can contract a near fatal illness just from drinking the quinine in tonic water.  On Hannibal, the main character maintains a steady diet of human flesh and never gets sick. It is true that he is picky about what human flesh he will accept for a meal.  He thoughtfully returned a liver to a corpse because it had liver cancer and was inedible. How was he able to diagnose his meat before preparing it? Could he just eyeball the cancer or did he run tests? 
Why doesn't Hannibal get some disease from toting a cancerous human liver back and forth like he's returning a sweater to The Gap? I can't stand it.

Once again, sorry I watched this show.  Thanks for the nightmares, NBC.

Friday, May 24, 2013

REVIEW: BEHIND THE CANDELABRA Starring Bugs Bunny as Liberace ("I Wish My Brother George Was Here")

Who the hell wants to see a Liberace movie?  Is there an audience for that?  I am having flashbacks to 1988 when there were inexplicably two Liberace made-for-tv movies competing with each other.  Surely, those two movies are more than enough for a lifetime.

There is some major star power in this movie.  Steven Soderbergh directed it and it stars Michael Douglas and Matt Damon.  It was made to play in theaters but it was deemed, and this was after the success of Brokeback Mountain, too gay.

                                                                                        Give the guy his dignity!  
I am not denying that Liberace was an excellent piano player and showman extraordinaire but enough is enough. Let the guy rest in peace. 

Which defunct celebrity will get the movie treatment next?  Charo, Jaye P. Morgan, Rip Taylor (the guy who throws confetti over himself), the Kooky Lend Me Your Comb Guy, the San Diego Chicken?



This is the only Liberace movie you ever need to see (below):

Bugs Bunny as Liberace



UPDATE:  Started watching "Under the Candelabra" and only made it to the 29 minute mark.  After a passionate (and extremely sweaty) lovemaking session in bed, Matt Damon's character asked Liberace "How do you stay hard for so long?"  BLECH!!!


Liberace's fan base consists of little old ladies who no not want to believe that he was gay. If one of them has a heart attack from watching this film, the blood is on your hands, HBO.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Flesh Angels & Human Cellos! NBC's "Hannibal" is Too Gross For The Rusty Walrus


Who knew that one of the big three networks would make a prime-time show that is too gross (for me) to watch?

I knew that watching NBC's "Hannibal" would entail cannibalism.  Fine. I did not sign up for flesh angels (don't ask) and a human cello (really, don't ask).

I loved Jonathan Demme's "Silence of the Lambs" but watching each subsequent spin-off has resulted in disappointment.   Anthony Hopkins created one of the most charismatic movie monsters of all time.  Hopkins is chewing the scenery in the movie (when he is not chewing flesh).

This is the sort of cannibal show that is more my speed: