Sunday, September 22, 2013

Killjoy Comics: "Archie's Parables" (Spire Christian Comics, 1973) Archie Almost Joins an Orgy!

I finally found a pile of Archie Spire comics at an antique store.  They are awful on so many levels.

Here is a ham-fisted retelling of "The Devil and Daniel Webster" with a dash of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."   Featuring Professor Flutesnoot as Professor Beelzebub.

Jughead is offered food and he eats it in the next panel.  Apparently, that was him selling his soul for food. I am confused by the rapid, two-panel turn of events because Jughead wasn't given the choice: your soul in exchange for food.  I say this is foul play, entrapment, and bad storytelling.

According to other retellings of  "The Devil and Daniel Webster" and the movies "Oh God, You Devil" and "Bedazzled," the person who sells their soul agrees to a specific contract. It is such an important plot point, the person signing the contract/selling their soul is on the DVD cover with the devil looking over their shoulder.

Even the Devil himself waits until the person voluntarily signs the contract, this Professor Beelzebub/Flutesnoot is a real loose cannon. Someone should take him to People's & Demon's Court.

Oh God, You Devil! & Bedazzled

Jughead sold his soul for several pieces of fruit, a long length of linked hot dogs, and a turkey.  If you are going to trade you soul for some food, there should be some cake.

Why is Betty outside a remote, scary mansion by herself in the middle of a dark and stormy night?

The Professor shows up and offers Archie AN ORGY!  There are three buxom women waiting on a bed for Archie.  

Archie then says “I want to see things God’s way” and the castle explodes.  The other prisoners, including Jughead, are free.

Poorly written, poorly paced, inexplicable turn of events, subtle as a sledgehammer...

Retro Atari Computer Game: "Journey's Escape" (Data Age, 1982) starring JOURNEY "America's Hottest Rock Group"

I just found this ad in an old  Games magazine from March 1993.

According to this ad, "You're on the road with "America's hottest rock group, Journey. And they're counting on you. You're the only player who can help Journey make it to their scarab escape vehicle. Only you can outsmart the promoters, avoid the photographers, and fight off the love-crazed groupies."

As an American tween-ager at the time of this ad, I have two problems with this premise:  1) the "America's hottest rock group" label and 2), the "love-crazed groupies" issue.

Problem 1:
Journey had some catchy hits and ballads but "America's Hottest Rock Group" is quite an overstatement. You can't tell me that Journey was ever hotter than Van Halen (David Lee Roth), Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, or KISS.  Even at their lowest points, Aerosmith and Alice Cooper were still amazing performers.

One of Journey's biggest hits is "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' "- a song that never failed to remind me of Mr. Whipple in the "Don't Squeeze the Charmin" toilet paper ads.  (Come to think of it, "Don't Squeeze the Charmin" sounds awfully close to another one of Journey's hits "Don't Stop Believin' "). Also, what's with dropping the "g's" at the end of words?

"Don't stop lovin', touchin', squeezin' the Charmin"

Problem 2:
Was Journey really fighting off "the love-crazed groupies"?   Journey, REO Speedwagon, Foreigner, and Styx are all good bands but they all seemed interchangeable looks-wise to me.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C
As you can see from the photos above, there is nothing there to get love-crazed about unless you like man-perms, handlebar mustaches, open shirts, and (as in the case of REO Speedwagon) hairy chests and turquoise necklaces.  In fact, if you put all of these bands in a blender you would get...

Mr. Brady from "The Brady Bunch"
Mr. Brady and his merm (man-perm).   This is not a look that kept young girls up at night.

Most of the rock star crushes in the early 1980s were from other countries: Duran Duran, The Police (Sting), or Rick Springfield. You had to fight with your friends about which one was "yours".

I don't doubt that Journey had some "love-crazed groupies" because there are a lot of people out there who try to service every rock star that comes to town as if they are playing some sort of X-rated bingo (a less creative variation of the Plaster Casters).   I just shudder at the actual "love-starved groupies" for Lemmy from Motorhead or The Insane Clown Posse.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Countdown to Countdown to Halloween 2013

I am so excited about Halloween this year.  One of my favorite Halloween activities has been reading all of the Halloween posts on this site:

Some of the coolest horror and pop culture blogs on the internet post a Halloween related item EVERY DAY of October.  If I get accepted to be part of the countdowntohalloween blog list, I vow to do a horror post every day in October...  (I think I can also do that without joining the bloglist).

I have been saving material all year for this which is not too hard because I am surrounded by horror books and Halloween items.

I finally said goodbye to Freddy Krueger this year when I sold my life-size(ish) "Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child" cutout.  It had been in my bedroom for a very long time.  I miss him.