Friday, May 31, 2013


I just found out that early explorers added sea monsters to their maps!  Source:

Geography class did not have to be so lethally boring.

Here are some images from Google:

This is from the famous "Carta Marina" from the 16th century.  It is the earliest map of Nordic countries that names places and gives details.

From the Famous "Cartina Marina"
Closeup on "Tile" and "Fare"
This map could not have been good for the tourist trade of Tile.  There seem to be two sea monsters LARGER THAN THE ISLAND itself lurking on the eastern coast.

The island of Fare seems to be even more terrifying.  There seems to be a giant sea monster/fish resting it's ugly fish monster chin directly on the western side of the island.  To make matters worse, the monster is giving a disapproving stare. Who wants to live on an island where a giant, ugly fish monster is giving you the stink eye all day.

I can't tell if the monster on Fare is dead. The map maker did not have the courtesy of adding a giant "X" mark over the eye  The fish monster seems to have a giant anchor/hook in its side and three bleeding wounds. There are also two bent-over people standing on its back.  If this giant fish is dead, the smell must be unbearable.

Doomed Ship
If I somehow made it out of this ship alive after a giant red sea monster devoured it, I would be writing up the nastiest review on the Trip website.

According to my research, the reason the early explorers put the monsters on maps was an advertising ploy to get "landlubbers" to buy maps.   (See, even early explorers knew how boring maps are.)  What a genius marketing idea!

I have taken the liberty of adding sea monsters to the state map of North Dakota - one of the most boring states in America. You're welcome, North Dakota Department of Tourism.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

"Star Wars Chewbacca's Activity Book" (Random House, 1979)

"Stan Lee Presents The Mighty Marvel Superheroes' Cookbook" (Fireside, 1977) Spiderman Hulk Thor

This is one of the coolest cookbooks ever...  If you ever see one, buy it.

BREAKING MONSTER NEWS: The Green Ghost Game spotted at an Antique Mall in Reynoldsburg, Ohio

This is the first time I have ever a Green Ghost Game in person.  It is a huge box - about 4 feet wide. Unfortunately, it costs about $90.

The same booth also had this Voodoo game but it sold quickly.

I don't know who would ever buy this "All in the Family" Card Game:
Hey, everybody!  It's the screaming
homophobic bigot from "All in the Family"

GOAL IN LIFE:  To have more disposable income for horror-related products.

Vintage Horror: "Spiders" by Richard Lewis (Signet, 1978)

At first no one could believe the reports.

The mangled corpse of a farmer, an expression of unspeakable horror on what was left of his face... the sickening remains of a small baby...a beautiful woman ravaged at the very climax of an act of entire churchfull of people devoured in the shadow of the cross..and international jumbo jet turned into a carrier of carnage... 

But as the crawling black wave of hairy, fanged, flesh-rending destruction spread ever outward from its secret spawning ground, there soon was no denying and no escaping the greatest threat humankind ever faced on earth...

They are hungrier - and deadlier - than ever!

Give me a break!

Vintage 1983 "How To Draw Super Heroes" (Golden Book 2154) DC Comics Edition

Another book I bought at Ohio Thrift for a measly .50 cents.  Dummies!!

Today's Lesson:  SUPERMAN

Sabrina the Teenage Witch Presents "The Ultimate Cure"

Vintage Children's Book "Monsters of the Middle Ages" (1971)

Just found this amazing monster book for children last Sunday.  Ohio Thrift only charged me .50 cents.  Suckers!

"Did you know that the horn of a Unicorn has magic in it? That mermaids have been seen combing their hair as they ride between the waves? Or that dragons love gold and try to hide great piles of it? People long ago believed all these things! William Wise tells us the fantastic tales that people in the Middle Ages made up to explain the things that frightened them.  And Tomie de Paola has brought these colorful medieval monsters humorously to life."

PART I:  More Weird Than Scary

The people of Abarimon were said to have their feet turned backward.  According to legend, they were such fast runners that no one else could keep up with them!

I can't figure out the mechanics of this because of the knee.  Also, how does being a fast runner qualify as monstrous?  It's hard to see this one as a monster because he is pictured presenting a flower to a lady with backwards feet. (Maybe it's an exploding flower?)

Strange men with only one leg.  They got around very well, too -- by jumping!
According to legend, they jumped so fast and so far that even a man with two legs could not hope to catch them. 
At least the Monocoli lady in the background seems monstrous because she is chasing some fleeing man.  I like the fangs of the Monocoli dude but I am a little thrown off by the baby doll dress and his Larry from "The Three Stooges" hairdo.

All this running and chasing.  Didn't people of the middle ages have horses?  Surely a horse could catch up to an Abarimon or Monocoli.

Monster: ASTOMI
People who were said to live in faraway India.  They did not eat or drink, like other people.  They fed themselves by smelling flowers.
That would save a fortune on food bills.

ASTOMI uncensored (from Wikipedia)
An ancient legendary race of people who had no need to eat or drink anything at all. They are described as having rough and hairy bodies and no mouths. When travelling they used to carry roots, flowers and apples to smell. They could die by smelling an unpleasant smell.

Like Count Floyd would say, "Pretty scary stuff, children"